Then This Happened

Just over a month ago, my world changed drastically without any warning!  As my friend says, I’ve been going through a rough patch since that day!  I experienced no pain and there were no indicators of anything being amiss.  I had been to a girls’ birthday luncheon with friends and had driven across town.  Back home in the afternoon, I was relaxing on the couch when I noticed red starbursts in my eyes.  Thinking it strange, I wondered, but didn’t feel any alarm.  Later, preparing for bed, I was still seeing the starbursts.  The next morning, I could not see out of my right eye!

I called my optometrist and got in right away.  She assured me that the issue was nothing to worry about and in fact, was due to my progressing cataracts.  I knew that I had cataracts progressing from my previous annual visit, but I thought it strange that just over night, they would become an issue.  The optometrist scheduled cataract surgery that morning and I returned home.

A few days later, I shared the experience with friends in my small group and was encouraged to check with an ophthalmologist for a second opinion.  There, I received the news that yes, I do have progressing cataracts, but that was not the problem.  I was told that I had experienced a “retinal occlusion”, a mini stroke in the eye, and that likely I was permanently blind in that eye!  WHAT??  I certainly didn’t expect to hear that!  The doctor said it was not the result of anything that I had done or could have avoided, but that was not reassuring.  He asked me to schedule appointments with two additional specialists, which made me think that perhaps there was something that could be done.  However, in the meantime, I have seen the specialists and have received a similar prognosis: permanent blindness in my right eye.

                        God is never blind to your tears, never deaf to your prayers, and never silent to your pain.  He sees, He hears, and He will bring you help at the proper time.

I can see, though not clearly, out of my left eye but it is like I have a thin scarf draped over my head.  I have learned that it is legal to drive in Ohio with only one eye, and in fact, there have been several people admit to me that they, too, have only one good eye!  Who knew?  I’ve made some short trips to the grocery and to run errands.  I took the long, back way to church one Sunday to stay off the freeway and I’m not driving at night at all.  Several friends have kindly offered to give me rides!  What a blessing!

Still, I feel half sick most of the time, probably from eye strain.  I am finding difficulty reading small print or box top names.  I was happy when my brother offered me our dad’s old magnifying glass to help with reading; it’s a treasure!  My neighbor met me in the yard one day and loaned me her lighted and magnified sewing glass; the kind that you hang around your neck.  It’s been a huge help!

Through the past month, it seems that nearly every devotional or Bible verse that I’ve read in my quiet time each morning is directed perfectly to me.  Isn’t that the way with God?  It’s like God is saying, “Stay close to me and watch Me move in the midst of this storm”.

The difficult verse in James 1:2,3 that says “Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow”.  Lord, allow me to find your joy in the middle of this storm that I am going through now.  It sure doesn’t feel like joy!  Lord, help me grasp the truth that Your will is not just what is good for me, but what is best for me.

I love the lyrics to the song “Blessings” by Laura Story.

She writes:
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things.

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know Your’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What are You teaching me, Lord?  I’ve read that faith is a matter of blind obedience, not human logic.  My greatest sense of peace is that I know MANY friends are lifting me up to our heavenly Father in prayer.  What a blessing to have people pray for you and with you!  If you are praying for me, thank You!  If you are praying with me, will you also ask that God preserve my left eye and keep it healthy, and that IF it is His will, in His sovereignty, God would restore my blinded eye?  I believe that He could; I’m trusting to see if He will.  I am not angry, nor am I in despair because of this.  I admit that I do not understand, nor do I like it, but my desire is to accept what comes graciously, knowing that God is in total control, and He is allowing this hardship for a reason.  I want to honor Him and use this experience to draw closer to God.  Actually, that is what each of us should want in our daily walk with God, and that is my prayer for you, dear reader, as well.